MAKING MY PEACE … with lifelong friendships

How to remain friends for life …

Feb 01, 2025

Friendship – brief or long – is one of the most powerful influences on well-being. Research confirms that having strong, supportive friendships can reduce stress, improve mental health, and even increase longevity. As I think about friends from school days, some over a period of fifty years or more, I wonder what it takes to maintain lifelong friendships. For me, I think they come from making efforts that themselves can be small or grand.

Lifelong friendships don’t require daily contact, but they do need effort, although that too doesn’t need to be daily or regular. Small gestures such as a quick text, a letter or email, or an occasional voice call may keep the bond alive, even during long periods of physical distance or personal busyness.

Over periods of time, a lifetime, people change, sometimes slowly and sometimes dramatically.Interests evolve, values shift, and life circumstances alter. A key to long-term friendship is allowing space for each other’s growth without judgment. Staying curious, but not nosey nor intrusive, about their evolving perspectives, and sharing your own perspectives, may help the relationship endure.

Life is full of ups and downs. People have health struggles, career transitions, loss, and triumphs. It is often during difficult times when friendships emerge. For example, strangers during natural disasters or catastrophic events may become lifelong friends. Being present during difficult times can build a foundation of trust and resilience as friends become part of each other’s emotional safety net.

Certain moments in life demand presence, where possible, even after years apart – for major celebrations, illnesses, or times of crisis. These pivotal moments create lasting bonds that reinforce the friendship’s depth and meaning.

Reminiscing about the past and creating new memories for the future may keep friendshipshealthy. Traveling together, taking a class, going to the same meeting place, or trying a new meeting place may ensure that the friendship continues to evolve.

Friendship has a unique ability to bring out the best in us, reminding us of who we were and who we still aspire to be. Encouraging each other’s dreams and keeping a sense of adventure alive may contribute to mental and emotional health.

Laughter is powerful in friendships. Shared humor creates a deep sense of belonging and lightens even the heaviest moments. Reflecting on inside jokes, hilarious misadventures, or simply being playful may keep the friendship ongoing.

Friends may develop different political views, lifestyles, or philosophies over the years – different from our own. The key is to respect these differences rather than let them become divisions. Lifelong friendships remain when there’s an understanding that connection andhistory outweigh temporary disagreements.

No friendship lasts a lifetime without occasional misunderstandings or hurt feelings. The ability to forgive, let go of grudges, and communicate openly may help ensure that disagreementsdon’t turn into permanent fractures. Long-term friends recognize that imperfections are part of being human.

Long-term friendships require appreciation. Expressing gratitude, in words or actions, may help to reinforce the relationship’s importance.

Studies show that close friendships can reduce the risk of depression, lower stress levels, which contributes to longer life. The emotional support from a trusted friend can improve resilience, provide a sense of belonging, and promote overall well-being. In a world of busyness, investing in friendships is one of the most meaningful things to do for improved mental health.

A ten, or twenty or fifty-year friendship isn’t just about luck. It takes authenticity, healthy boundaries, respect, caring, and a sense of peace and “home-coming” when friends connect.

Making my peace with lifelong friendships, I aim to:

Celebrate connection

Respect individuality

Honour difference

Support their dreams

Lift them up

Listen

Provide support

Acknowledge successes

Empathize with things that don’t turn out as expected

Encourage health

Laugh a lot